Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. Hermann Hesse
I know parents who can’t let go of their fear. They don’t want to let themselves hope their child will recover from their cancer. They don’t want to leave the bedside or let anyone else take care of their little one. They think if they are there, if they keep their fear active and alert, if they stay vigilant and controlling, it will make everything better and keep further disaster away.
What they need to do – no, what I would wish for them – is to let go. To permit others to help, to experiment with releasing their fear.
I would wish for just a moment that they’d accept there is only so much that can be done, and that they cannot control everything.
In reality, when your child is critically ill, or you are sick yourself, or in crisis in some way, it’s natural to feel somewhat out of control.
I regret to say, we have to accept that: to let go of the idea that we are supposed to hold on, or fix it by the sheer force of our will.
We don’t have the power to undo what has happened, to roll back time, to do something differently and deliver our families to a different outcome. It isn’t in our control, and it isn’t our fault. There is nothing you could have done differently.
For now, do what your heart and body and energy can manage, and then allow others around you to hold you up, to do their job, to take over the reins for a while.
When we it feels like we are out of control we can get angry, impatient, critical or demanding. We are desperate to get back on top of the game, to be in the driver’s seat once again. We want to control it all: our health, our children, the outcome of the disaster that has befallen us.
But you know, even when things were fine, and life was good: it was all an illusion. You were never “in control.” A power greater than you was, and is. That power is with you now. What would it be like to let go into this wide and deep strength? What would be different if you knew in your heart, you were never in charge to begin with?